Remember when you moved in me?
shetrotsthemoon
The all knowing fogginess of the morning after
Can't think but it's unnecessary
motionless going through motions

After nights of bodiless floating,
the mind returns with fleeting celestial capacity.
An astronaut in a moon bounce house
Time passes slow, glittery
Invisible beings raising exasperated
arms in frustration.
The world unfamiliar and new
Sun shimmers on tree leaves and
through, shining unshaded bricks
And words with want of rhyming but
no end to be seen
No path put together, nothing to
follow or figure out.

Lost and unclean we wander
Disturbed by moments of clarity and
full consciousness.
Light empty heads and weighted hearts
To wait, to hold space.

land time forgot
shetrotsthemoon
As though time forgets all other places,
choosing to remember only this-
keep it as is
has always been.
And, in such a memory lapse
the rest ages, alters, fails, falters...

Here! Now!
Youth burns
white blue bright smoky greens
fresh fiery tumultuous uncertainty.

Don't run.

"Is life not a hundred times too short for us to stifle ourselves?" Friedrich Nietzsche
shetrotsthemoon
Say yes!

Don't blame him, or your weak unreliable heart or anyone else around.
You control your happiness and you control the things you do.
Do what makes you feel!
Leave forever and come back a hundred times, fall in love every month of the year, play dress up and make believe and leap about!
Say yes!

In a pillow fight with a toddler, nobody wins.
shetrotsthemoon
Why won't you talk to me?
Is that why you feel like a stranger
Is that why I hate you today?

I, of all people should understand. No one has used the disappearing act more frequently than I.

You weren't a liar. You never lied about anything else except loving me? That's why I want to talk, that's why it doesn't make any sense. You were so brutally honest when it came to anything else in our lives. You could scream at me about your tiny penis and how you'd fuck every girl you saw if you had a decent sized dick, but you couldn't tell me that you weren't in love with me? You could ask me why your first love wouldn't suck your dick, but you felt compelled to claim you were in love with me when you weren't? Really, just because you thought I'd hate you? You need everyone to love you so much and think you're so wonderful, even me, so you needed me to believe you loved me? Then why were you so honest about the rest of it?

Guess what?
I hate you.

I hate you for saying I was the love of your life, for telling me you were ready to run away and you wanted to run away with me, for resenting the number of people I've slept with while wishing your own number had neared my level, for claiming that you loved me and always would, that you were happy because of me and you needed my love, that you knew we were going to have our farm and our four name babies and fight for room in bed and entrap legs and elbows each night.
How could you say such things if they weren't true?
That's why I mostly hate you because you won't take the time to explain it to me, you don't care to make it make sense, which is why it seems so much like a lie.

I sold everything I owned to be with you, to run away to the places you wanted to go, to start a life somewhere you wanted to live, and you couldn't handle it.

We moved to Alaska and I got a job while you moped in our apartment all day. I took the bus to work so we could buy sheets and spoons and wash our clothes.
You moved me out there and I left because you said we had to, and now you won't talk to me.
I miss my best friend.
Coward.
Stop being afraid to face the people that you fucked up with.
Have the decency to give me some type of closure.
Tell me you were never in love with me, tell me you were crazy and scared and bored and you needed someone to come with you so you used me, tell me you know you treated me like crap when I was so good to you, say anything.

"Forget?" he said. "You know nobody forgets. It's not a question of memory." D.H. Lawrence
shetrotsthemoon
I'm finally learning that the more information we have isn't always a good thing.

Because we moved so much, I often feel as though I have a million potential other strands of life out there that were begun but never fulfilled because we left.

I've done something, I've experienced and been apart of one of those lives. I somehow picked up a string that had been cut and was allowed to follow it for a few months this summer. I got to do what most people never get the chance to go through, I saw what my life would have been like if one little thing hadn't changed. I met my friends and lived and loved with them in all the places we would have called our own, created memories and relationships out of former nubs as if I had never been taken away.

I had a little bit of a fairy tale. I got away and I was found and brought back.

I had to leave again.

I can't describe the feelings I'm left with. I can't tell you how I have no regrets but somehow almost wish it had never happened. I don't want to know how wonderful it all could have been. I don't want to know and love and miss these people worlds away who were nothing more than a dream a year ago.

This is a little about him but it's mostly about the people he was packaged with and life he promised.

I'm grateful for everything that happened and I hope I'm able to tell the truth about it someday. I don't want to forget but I wish I could not remember now.

(no subject)
shetrotsthemoon
Last night I dreamnt that Hunter told me he was the 12th most eligible bachelor in all of Arkansas. And even in my wild lucid dreaming I didn't have the balls to tell this phantom that his tiny penis immensely detracted from that value. All I could do was cackle crazily to myself and fly away.

paris
shetrotsthemoon
I dream of flying.
Of melting through airplane windows
and fusing with the air.
Of jumping kick start ground take-offs,
Of fiercely cold cheeks and fingers.
Epic free falls twisted topsy-
A mermaid of the sky.
Her hair is everywhere, her hands brush
Mountain tops like coral beds.
Arms burst out sides of clouds breaking
on the horizon.

(no subject)
shetrotsthemoon
So terrible when love turns to hate.

But I hate him.

Oriah Mountain Dreamer
shetrotsthemoon
Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance, the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart.
And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make my heart whole again and again.

regina regina ah ah ah!!
shetrotsthemoon
"Ne Me Quitte Pas"

Down in Bowery
They lose their ballads and their lipped-mouths in the night
And stumbling through the street, they say
"Sir, do you got a light?
And if you do then you're my friend
And if you don't then you're my foe
And if you are a deity of any sort then please don't go"

Ne me quitte pas, mon cher
Ne me quitte pas, ah ah ah
Ne me quitte pas, mon cher
Ne me quitte pas

Down in Lexington they walk in new shoes stuck to aging feet
And close their eyes and open
And not recognize the aging street
And think about the things were right
When they were young and veins were tight
And if you are the ghost of Christmas past
Then won't you stay the night?

Ne me quitte pas, mon cher
Ne me quitte pas, ah ah ah
Ne me quitte pas, mon cher
Ne me quitte pas, ooh ooh ooh
Ne me quitte pas, mon cher
Ne me quitte pas, ah ah ah
Ne me quitte pas, mon cher
Ne me quitte pas

Down in Bronxy Bronx
The kids go sledding down snow covered slopes
And frozen noses, frozen toes
The frozen city starts to glow
And yes, they know that it will pass
And yes they know New York will thaw
But if you're a friend of any sort
Then play along and catch a cold

Ne me quitte pas, mon cher
Ne me quitte pas, ah ah ah
Ne me quitte pas, mon cher
Ne me quitte pas, ooh ooh ooh
Ne me quitte pas, mon cher
Ne me quitte pas, ah ah ah
Ne me quitte pas, mon cher
Ne me quitte pas

I love Paris in the rain,
I love Paris in the rain
I love, I love, I love in the rain
I love Paris in the rain,
I love Paris in the rain
And I Love I love I love in the rain
I love, I love, I love in the rain

Down in Paris they walk fast
That is unless they're walking slow
And in cafes they look away
That is unless they look right in
And in the gardens I get lost
That is unless I'm getting found
And if you are the ghost of New York City
Then won't you stick around?

Ne me quitte pas, mon cher
Ne me quitte pas, ah ah ah
Ne me quitte pas, mon cher
Ne me quitte pas, ooh ooh ooh
Ne me quitte pas, mon cher
Ne me quitte pas, ah ah ah
Ne me quitte pas, mon cher
Ne me quitte pas

I love Paris in the rain,
I love Paris in the rain
I love, I love, I love in the rain
I love Paris in the rain,
I love Paris in the rain
I love, I love, I love in the rain
And I love, I love, I love in the rain...

And I love, I love, I love, in the rain
I love, I love
In the rain, in the rain
Oh I love in the rain
In the rain, in the rain

Ne me quitte pas
Ne me quitte pas
Ne me quitte pas

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